So, Here's the Deal.....

   Okay, so we've established that I'm a basket case with chronic health drama.  I may never be able to fix all that.  But, I'm always hopeful that I can fix at least some of it.
 
   I've made a goal.  A dear friend and neighbor has some of my very same and similar symptoms.  She's just not as crazy/dramatic as I am.  And she's smarter than me.  By, like, a longshot.  ANYHOW, she has discovered she's got an autoimmune thyroid condition.  It started with what she thought was an injury, but it wasn't getting better and it seemed no one could figure it out.  But somehow it came around that it could be an illness rather than an injury, and it seems that turned out to be the case.  She's been wonderful at listening to all my woes, and lemme tell ya I dump 'em.  She's found some interesting similarities.

   Now, I'm not saying that she and I have or might have the exact same condition.  All I'm saying is that there are similarities in symptoms that may point to some interesting solutions.

   The other day, my beautiful friend and neighbor hiked up my driveway and we got to see just how much better she's doing.  Holy wow!!!  The difference is incredible!  She looks great!  And I don't just mean weight, I mean skin tone, face expressions, overall in general looks awesome!  So she told me what she's done.  And now I'm doing a lot of research and planning.

   See, here's the thing, there is no one cure all.  Just because something worked for her, and just because we share some symptoms, doesn't mean that the same solution will work for me.  But, I've got to agree with her, some drastic changes in diet may go a long way.

   I'd looked into elimination diets a long time ago.  Some where there was something about giving up 7 foods for 7 days and then 7 weeks of re-introducing.  Can't seem to find it anymore.  But it barely made sense.  Something about the way it was structured didn't sound right.  And 7 days just didn't seem like it would be enough to really be ready to re-introduce foods and actually know what's going on.  Almost every other thing I found hit several of my pet-peeves.  They'd be weight loss based.  I want health based.  They'd be dripping with celebs that push the diet.  To me that's annoying and distracting.  They'd have Dr. Oz's stamp of crazy.  I just have a hard time taking anything Dr. Oz seriously.  Or they'd be selling all kinds of shirts, kitchen gadgets, "specially formulated" crap, etc.  If I have to buy all kinds of things to work my eating plan, I am not interested.  I don't have the room or money to line someone's pockets for something that may or may not work in the first place.  Or there would be some serious imbalance.

   Another factor, I am not a decision maker.  I need something to tip the scales in one direction or another.  So when my friend told me what she's been doing, it helped give me a direction.  And with an added bonus, she's right there for questions and support.

   So here I am.  I'm reading and researching on Autoimmune Protocol.  AIP.  And I am in love.  Okay, there's a lot of giving up stuff.  The list is very long.  But the reasoning behind it all actually makes sense.  And I still keep tasties, and even new goodies.  It's not about losing weight.  It's about eliminating common problem foods for a period of time (at least 30 days) and then re-introducing them over time to find out which foods may (if any) be causing some of my symptoms.  It's about letting my gut heal up if it needs it.  (And it probably does.)  It's about finding out if there is food I'm putting into my body, thinking it's doing me some good, and actually throwing it out of whack.

   I was surprised to find that giving up coffee was one thing, but the one that really broke my heart was the idea of giving up tomatoes and peppers.  I love my tomatoes and peppers.  But, I keep reminding myself, I have a time I get to try bringing them back, and I hope they aren't going to prove to be problematic.

   I'm not diving in right away, however, and if at all.  I'm making a goal of January 2, 2016.  It's a long ways out, but there's some advantages here.  I can slowly remove some of the items from the no-no list ahead of time.  I can introduce some of the things on the add-in list.  I can try recipes ahead of time.  Oh and the temptation factor... Garden season is early here this year, and giving up my nightshades right now is just cruel.  We camp and road travel a lot this time of the year, and it's especially heard to maintain a new diet plan while on constant travel.  And then there's the holidays.  January I get a break from all these temptations.  So, I get the highest chance of success by setting that as my start date.  It's possible that by then I decide no.  But in the process of getting ready, I'm still making steps to improve my diet, so it's a win-win.

   For now, I've printed out two charts, the no-no's and the good foods.  I've got them taped up inside one of my kitchen cabinets where I can refer to them while I cook.  I've crossed out the foods I already don't eat, and put marks next to the one's I'm working at eliminating (on the no-no chart) and the new ones I want to try (on the good foods chart).  And I'm working with my snacks.  I'm going through AIP snack recipes and trying to start relying on those as I graze.

   Today I'm baking plantain crackers, dehydrating zucchini chips (with lemon and dill), and making banana chips to eventually make into cinnamon banana chips.  I'm kinda excited, because these are ingredients I already love.

   Okay, so this, and the last couple, entries are long, and bland with no photos.  That'll change, I hope.  I'm trying mostly to document things for myself at this point.  But I am hopeful to keep it up, and get back to great photos, blogging about the trips we have coming up (as soon as this weekend!), and the garden again.  ;-)  But for now, bear with me, 'cause I need this loooong story stuff at the moment.

Oh! Hey There!

Huh, true to my nature, I've stopped writing for ages now.  One day I'll get myself together.  It's been a lot of ups and downs, but we're still trucking right along.
 
   We just started our 5th year at the garden!  Had a few things to work out.  We had to re-size our plot to keep in line with the rest of the gardeners.  As it's a large raised bed, it was a lot of work.  Unfortunately there's plants that had to be uprooted in order to get the work done, and a lot of soil to relocate.  I put my delphinium back in the ground, but it's still up in the air if it survived or not.  My gigantic thyme plant that's large enough to declare itself a sovereign country is looking pretty sad.  Hopefully I'll be able to put her back in the ground soon, and give her a good haircut, get her feeling all refreshed.  And then there's my lavender.  When I first got the plot, there was one big lavender plant.  I took a dull, somewhat rusty shovel and split him in two.  Both halves survived and thrived at opposite ends of the garden.  But now, his twin had to be dug up for this move.  However, she's seeming to survive the uprooting just fine for now.

   So far all we have planted, that isn't a perennial, is peas, onions, and a couple leeks.  Two years ago I put one little bitty strawberry plant on the south end, and now it's taken over most of that half of the plot!  'S okay though, there's plans in place to add a new strawberry box they'll be moved to so they can be contained.  I still have the gigantic rosemary plant that used to be planted in a McDonald's cup as a natural air freshener in my car.  Thing is chest high to me now, and I'm 6'2"!  At least one of the dahlias have begun to poke out of the ground.  It's going to take some cleanup to find if the others are still kickin' under there.  For some reason my crocus' only gave me leaves, never flowered.

   Other things going on this year... I met my Grandfather!  I'm turning 38 this year and have finally met my Grandfather.  It's a long story, and as it affects so many still living I'll not get into it, but it is what it is.  It's as simple as this... I grew up with the understanding that I had two Grandmothers and three Grandfathers.  All but my maternal Grandmother and birth Grandfather have passed on.  The opportunity to meet and know my Grandfather wasn't there for various reasons.  But this year we all were finally able to say "to Hell with the reasons" and make it happen.  I couldn't be any happier!  I swear he and I are so much alike it's scary!  There is no way this trip would have happened without the help of my parents.  I couldn't afford it on my own, and so they foot the bill.  My husband also helped out... he dipped into his retirement fund to make sure I had any spending cash I needed to be comfortable.

   It was a fantastic trip!  I haven't ever really flown alone, so I was terrified.  I've flown many times, mind you, but never alone.  I've always had family, friends, or shipmates to hold my hand.  Heck, I've even been on a flight where mid-air we lost an engine and hydraulics, but I had so many folks with me I wasn't nearly as terrified as I was to get on this commercial plane all by myself.  I did have the doc prescribe me anxiety pills, but apparently just knowing I could take them was enough.  There is so much to the travel and meeting that I should write an entire separate post about it.  Maybe I'll finally get to it.

   My eldest has bridged from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts.  That kid is growing up way too fast!  He's still bright, happy overall, and so smart.  The Twinnies are getting huge as well.  They'll be starting Cub and Girl Scouts this summer.  We're even starting a Girl Scout troop just so that we can ease scheduling for other Scout families.

   Eldest Son is about to have a birthday, and this year we're camping as a family where normally it's his boys only trip.  But as this year his birthday falls on a weekend, when the whole family had a chance to make a trip he's been dying to make happen, we're doing it.  He's asked for a red velvet birthday cake... we've readied the dutch oven.  ;-)

   I've had my share of health problems.  I have medications for my migraines finally, but if I took meds for everything I would have an all out pharmacy going on every day.  That doesn't sound appealing.  I had heard of elimination diets and how they can sort out if food is your trigger.  I'd done some reading on them a while back, but was irritated by the "lose weight fast" angle, or the gazillion celebrities backing it, or, God Forbid, Dr. Oz puts his stamp on anything.  And nothing made sense just right, and I knew no one I could ask about it.  So I pushed it aside.  Recently a dear friend brought it up because it's what she had to do to regain her health.  I've been able to personally see much of the difference it made for her.  So now I'm looking into the format she tried.  Autoimmune Protocol.  It's pretty extensive, and giving some of those foods up for even a while breaks my heart, but I am still considering it.  It makes sense, and I'm loving the people writing about it, their qualifications, and their experiences.  And I've not seen a bunch of money making, celeb backing, Dr.Oz waving or the rest of the crap that distracts and annoys me.  And I have been able to ask my friend if I have any questions.  As of now, the plan is to slowly phase out some of the no-no's to brace for impact, but to actually and officially start January 2.  Why so late?  Time to prepare for one.  My garden is reason two.  I don't have the willpower to give up my tomatoes and peppers while I'm already growing them.  And then there's travel and holidays, it's awfully hard to stick to anything new during those times.  So January 2 is my goal date.

   Of course there has been so much more going on, but trying to cover it all at once is impossible.  So basically I'm writing to catch the basics and hopefully remind myself to write more later.  ;-)

Some Days I Wish I Just Made Sense...

   I’m ba-ack!  Well, I’m trying very hard to be.  My lapse in posting is unfortunately just another way of the outside world being able to see approximately when I checked myself out of the real world and into the very dark side inside my own self.  But it’s okay.  It comes and goes, but I am treading water harder every day, and for every time I start drowning, I manage to get myself afloat again.

   Looking back at old posts, I think I should have seen it coming, but really, when you are a basket case, you don’t always see it until it’s already hit you like a 20lb sledgehammer. 

   Okay, but on to other things.  So it’s a new start, this time on the same blog.  I refuse to completely lock myself out of my blog again.  (Even if I can’t find the durned thing.)  ;-)  I could try to catch up on what has all been going on in the last year, but let’s be real; feeling overwhelmed is a big part of my own inner demons.  So I am looking at the now, and maybe a little bit to the past, and a touch to the future. 

   I want my sense of humor back.  Lately it’s been very minimal.  Every funny moment I have found has been from outside of me.  I get my laughs, but they aren’t my own.  Those that know me know I inherited my mother’s sense of humor.  (Thank you for that, Mom!)  It is the one thing looking inside that I had that was light.  But over the last year, and this didn’t hit me until just now, my jokes are mostly forwarding everyone else’s.  My laughs are from other people, all of whom I am thankful for.  If it wasn’t for wonderful people in my life, the last year would have been nearly no laughter at all.  But I hope to find my inner funny again as well.  Some people like their hair, or their butt, I like my humor.

   Overwhelmed has been a big theme for me lately.  I don’t hide that I have issues with depression and ADHD.  It’s not that I want anyone’s sympathies…. It’s that the one thing above even my sense of humor that keeps me thriving is helping others.  I truly hope that for all of my dredging up my own issues, I can help others know that they aren’t alone, or that someone is crazier than them… one or the other.   One of the few things I truly hated about my military time was that I wasn’t directly helping anyone in any way that had an impact on their wellbeing.  One of the reasons I’m working towards entering the Medical Field is that I can find that satisfaction in knowing, weather the patient knows/likes it or not, I can have that impact.  One of the problems I’ve been suffering from is… okay, let me try it this way, it makes better sense:

   I speak in terms of “I” a lot.  It’s not that I’m so self-centered; it’s that it’s the only way I know how to speak, understand, and relate.  On the other hand, I can’t, and some would say it’s unhealthy, live only for me.  I am at my best when I’m there for others.  The last two years, I am primarily a student.  It’s all about me.  I hate that.  I love learning, and I love being a student, don’t get me wrong.  But I hate going so long in the bull pen, and not out in the arena.  Every fiber in my body feels like I’m atrophying away, and being totally useless.

   Then to add to it, I go home.  It’s no one’s fault, but it’s what it is.  I get home, and no matter what I do, it’s undermined in seconds.  I clean something; someone comes right behind me and trashes it.  I make a decision, and it meets no one’s approval.  Hell, right now I have a neighbor who I normally get along with but is mad at me now because, once again, I can do no right.  I don’t coddle my kids enough.  I don’t have my house painted the colors he wants.  (I tried to show him colors I want; he tells me they don’t meet his approval.  We have this battle round after round every year.)  I keep my kids on too tight of a leash.  I don’t have that leash tight enough.  And really, I get a lot of this thing, just with different titles to the arguments, from the rest of the world.  After a while it gets to you, and the only defense I find is to bury myself inside of myself.   And yes, I know that everyone has these battles.  Problem with folks like me is, we don’t see, no matter how many people point right to it, the easy answer to handling it all.

   So here I am.  I am trying to step back outside myself.  See, I’m a mess, but I’m a good mess.  I am one train wreck after the other, one bit of crazy, one health issue, one breakdown after the other… but I have more heart than many people I know.  I’m funny, I’m intelligent, I’m creative, and I care with everything that I am.  The negative may be heavier than the positive, but that positive is such a shameful waste to keep locked up.

   And those are my thoughts.  Like ‘em or not, that’s who I am.  And, dammit, I like me.  All I ask of you, the dear reader, is to cross your fingers.